my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
