I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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