While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top