did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful