My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
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Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.