Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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