I wish my penis had an off switch
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize