Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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