WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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