There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
