my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
