If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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