One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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