im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
