His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she looked like the before picture.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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