Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize