I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
