Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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