dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My hand turned me down
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
