she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
