Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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