I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
