You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I love you. Go after that dick
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