is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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