Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
