eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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