A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
