a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
