My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
