how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
