It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.