My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?