I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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