We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings