I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
