Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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