I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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