Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
