Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
