cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
