Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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