I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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