so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
