Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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