Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
