No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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