I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize