Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
