I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
