After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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