I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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