your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
