So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
