The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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