My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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