Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
