All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
