i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
