you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
